A Mostly Fractured Take On Current Events

Archive for the ‘Current Events’ Category

Soccer: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

In Current Events on May 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

The year was 2007. Upon learning that the world’s most popular sport is soccer, I imagine that officials in Johnson County hurriedly began planning a massive soccer field complex just to follow trends. Planners had two ambitious goals for the project. First, it had to be a top-notch recreational facility that offered kids a way to get something antiquated called “exercise.” Secondly, the area had to give parents a surefire way to tire their kids out for the weekend so mom and dad could retain their sanity. On both counts, I’d say the Overland Park Soccer Complex has been a fantastic success. Read the rest of this entry »

Five Worst Foods Invented To Fight High Cholesterol

In Current Events on April 24, 2012 at 4:48 pm

The reason I like my doctor is that he’s an optimist. This is noteworthy since most doctors aren’t taught good bedside manners at Med School. Most are taught how to deliver a bad diagnosis or charge $850 for a Band-Aid. But my doc is upbeat. His positive outlook was evident last month as I had my cholesterol checked. Although it was high, the results were delivered with some hope: “Well, the bad news is that you have high cholesterol. But the good news is that you can change this by adhering to a strict diet of bland, odorless solids.  Read the rest of this entry »

Five Ways To Improve Your Morning Commute

In Current Events on March 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Joe Biden is the reason I now hate the color orange. In June of 2009, the Vice President made a visit here to kick off federal highway improvements. Amazingly, only three people fell asleep during the ceremony. Every day since then, my commutes have been filled with that nasty and vile hue. Orange cones, orange blinkers, orange construction vests, and orange warning signs. Like a science experiment gone awry, my brain is now hard wired to believe this simple truth: The color orange = Loud, invasive, mind-numbing road construction. Read the rest of this entry »

Five Miracles Tim Tebow Will Perform Against New England

In Current Events on January 13, 2012 at 12:37 am

Earlier this year, Harris Polls conducted a study that found “Pro Football” as the most popular sport in the United States. Regrettably, Pro Shuffleboard failed to make the list again. It’s easy to see why the NFL resonates so well in this country. Fans enjoy exciting plays, hard-hitting action, and the 400% markups on official team merchandise. I think an overlooked part of the game’s appeal is its spiritual side, too. Pro football’s history is littered with biblical references like the Hail Mary pass, the Immaculate Reception, and grown men Read the rest of this entry »

Five Most Common Birthday Greetings Written On Facebook

In Current Events on January 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I think the more popular Facebook gets, the more critics want to go after it. It’s become fashionable to denounce the social media site in some circles. But I think the criticism is often overblown. It’s true there have been several privacy lapses. And yes, Mark Zuckerberg was recently spotted clutching a ring and saying, “My Precious!” But that’s nit-picking. For every one of its missteps, Facebook gives us ten new ways of streamlining our lives.  They make us see the folly of needing things like stamps. Or human interaction. Read the rest of this entry »

Five Ways Mitt Romney Could Blow It In New Hampshire

In Current Events on January 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Last week, Mitt Romney won the Iowa Caucus by 8 votes.  To me, this seemed like a hollow victory. But then I learned only 9 people actually live in the state of Iowa. It must’ve been hard for them to pick a candidate so early in the election cycle. They wanted to weigh all of the issues but got tired of watching campaign ads. So in the end I think they just picked whoever could eat the most pancakes at some local diner. Surprisingly, Michele Bachmann came in second by consuming 96 flapjacks. Romney now must head to New Hampshire for the primary on January 10th. Read the rest of this entry »

Five Objects That Are More Imposing Than Iran’s Navy

In Current Events on January 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Today, the Iran Navy threatened the United States with “severe action” if the U.S. brings an aircraft carrier into the Persian Gulf. When I heard about this, I immediately asked myself, “What are they demanding?”  And also, “Iran has a navy?  Yes, it’s true!  Iran’s navy isn’t large but it is scrappy and resourceful.  The biggest challenge facing them isn’t a lack of ships but rather the always vexing question of which side is “port” and which is “starboard”? Thank God for coin flips. But don’t kid yourself.  If challenged, they could easily lead an invasion on several floating buoys in the Persian Gulf. Read the rest of this entry »

One Thing Unites All Sides On National Debt: Blame

In Current Events, Essays on April 14, 2011 at 6:02 pm

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Some people think ordinary Americans can’t comprehend and process this debt problem. I disagree. We learn by example. And judging by the actions of our politicians, all one really needs to do is find a target and start assigning blame.

I blame Ben Franklin. Every crisis needs a fall guy and it may as well be Ben. He once claimed that “A Penny Saved Is A Penny Earned.”   Read the rest of this entry »